Thursday, December 14, 2006

How to Die #46

Dear NinjaSon,

In a world that so many view as so profane. In a life surrounded by death and rebirth; anguish and utter joy. There is something we must keep in mind. It is the beauty of this moment. As those who pass clutch so tightly to that which they claim is theirs, I hold my life in an open palm. We all get greedy and ask for more. One year more, one month more, one week more, one day more, one minute more, one second more. What we should be asking for is one moment more. One word more. One love more. One laugh more. One thank you more. Be gracious. Be humble. When my time comes I will not grab greedily for another day. I will be brave, aching softly at the passing of the world I know and all that is in it. In this time, this small frail moment, we have but a single chance for our last deed. Will you waste it in suffering or confusion. Anger or sorrow. Do not miss its passing before it is gone. Do not miss me while I am still here. Do not mourn your life while it is still yours, settled beautifully on the palm of your open hand. Take that last moment to let this world know who you are and spend your life in a way my son that will make this beautiful world miss you when you are gone.


Monday, December 11, 2006

Ninjerview #214

NinjaDad: Hello
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Hi! KewL Hat! RU a terroRisT?
NinjaDad: *Sigh* I am NinjaDad. Why are you talking like that?
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Lik wHat?
NinjaDad: You talk like my kid types.
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: I thOugHt Ur KidZ waz a Baby?
NinjaDad: Yes but NinjaBaby so he learns things quickly...oh nevermind. Ok I will now attack you as if I am a Brooklyn Mystic and pretend you are defending my son ok?
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Huh?
NinjaDad: OK ready?
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Whoah iZ thAt lIk a ReAl SaMuraI SworD?!
NinjaDad: Umm no see do I look like a Samurai?
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Did U geT that on QVC?! Nonono EbAY huh? Man tHat Is So KewL!!!!!!!!
NinjaDad: Ok so now I will try to behead you so please just act like you are in a real situation and just defend yourself as you normally would.
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Hey wAiT RU JapAneez?!
NinjaDad: Yes I am NinjaDad. Ninja are usually Japanese.
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: HeY do You KnoW aSk a Ninja?!
NInjaDad: Can we get back to the interview here? As I was saying I will now attempt to behead you...
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Ninja!Ninja!Ninja! Ok I'm goIng to AsK you A quEstion and You ansWer likE on AsK a Ninja! K? k?
NinjaDad: No you see I am not Ask a Ninja. I am NinjaDad and I need to evaluate your fighting skills in order to determine if you are worthy of protecting my son.
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Ok so DeaR NinjA? HoW dO niNjaz PooP?!
NinjaDad: This interview is so over.
NinjaNanny Candidate #214: What?! ThAt waS soooooonoT fUnny. Ur suPposEd tO waVe yOur haNds a LOTTTZZZors anD taLk liKe Ben StiLleR aNd TheN dIssaPear anD reApeeaR. WaY nOt fUnNy.
NinjaDad: I can't believe you only charge $35 an hour.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Happy DOTN I guess...

According to the Non-Ninja World today is the day of the Ninja. Ok if you say so. Yay! Happy Day of the Made-up-Non-Ninja Holiday to celebrate those we don't have any freaking idea about other than some kooky sterotypes born from GI Joe, The Master, American Ninja and a bunch of other crap. Never mind the fact that there is a real day, December 32 also know as the hour of perpetual midnight in which only Ninja walk the world to catch up with one another while the rest of the world is frozen in mid-toast. Oh of course every now and then some bad ninja or ninjachildren will decide to take out somebody during Ninjaday...something highly frowned upon. This is easily detected as you count down on New Years.
10..9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Happy New OH FUCK what happened to Larry?!?!?!

Bad Bad Ninja. Oh well Happy DOTN anyway everybody!