Friday, July 13, 2007

Day By Numbers

Wow. Sometimes being a single NinjaDad is hard. I mean where did all the time go? Here’s a typical day.

1. Wake up, kill somebody.
2. Brush Teeth.
3. Find NinjaSon.
4. Keep Looking
5. Keep Looking
6. Go get breakfast (the kid is loving hotdogs these days)
7. Kill somebody
8. Pay for hotdogs.
9. Go to park.
10. Remind NinjaSon, NO STABBING!
11. Give first of 39 timeouts for stabbing.
12. Answer other parents questions in park, try to positively represent the Ninja-American community.
13. Kill somebody.
14. Look for NinjaSon again.
15. Keep looking.
16. Keep looking.
17. Check Rooftops.
18. Timeout: No Climbing buildings!
19. Timeout: Don’t Kick Pigeon!
20. Go to 4572th Daycare interview.
21. Still no luck.
22. Kill Somebody.
23. Try to hail cab.
24. Never once have I ever caught a cab while visible. Ninjist bastards. Prejudice sucks.
25. Do Animal Flashcards.
26. What sound does a Dragon Make? Waaaataaaaa! (NinjaSon’s Favorite)
27. Timeout: Stop yelling Waaaaataaaaaaa!
28. Take subway to Museum security job interview.
29. Cross Museum off list. Human Resources lady insists that animals do not come to life at night. Lady emphatically denies any job opportunity to “Fight Woolly Mammoth bareknuckled”. Remind myself to continue hating people who use Air-quotes.
30. Shadow box giant Woolly Mammoth display. One day bitch...
31. Change NinjaSon. Remind self almost out of zinc oxide.
32. More hotdogs.
33. Gymboree.
34. Timeout: Off ceiling NOW!!!
35. Timeout: No Stabbing!
36. Go home for naps.
37. Wake up. Kill somebody.
38. Find NinjaSon.
39. Keep looking.
40. Keep looking.
41. Eat raisins.
42. Watch Dora.
43. Eat Pizza.
44. Madison Sq. park.
45. Timeout: NO Stabbing! X 37
46. Yell at lady for yelling at me about throwing NinjaSon too high in the air.
47. Stop yelling at lady in order to catch NinjaSon.
48. Continue yelling at lady for another 5 minutes.
49. Shake Shack.
50. Go home, take bath.
51. Read Stories.
52. Sing Songs.
53. Kiss Son Goodnight.
54. Sit silently in living room until tomorrow.

1 Comments:

Blogger hanh said...

lol gymboree seems so out of place

7:35 AM  

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