Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Bright Lights Big Warrior

Dear NinjaSon,

Don't take any wooden nickels. Do you know whattheNinja this means? Nor do I. But as Ninja sometimes you have to use common sense. Be careful about lending your trust too easily. For example when answering the following ad:

Models needed for Warrior campaign. Must embody the following character traits: Noble, Toughness, Wisdom. Must be comfortable holding a sword. Title of photographic piece will be: "...holding a sword"

Pay attention during wardrobe. If you are surrounded by Kimono ask yourself the following questions:

Why the fuck am I standing in a changing room full of Kimonos?
Why the fuck are they asking me if I am a fall or winter?
Why the fuck haven't they asked me to demonstrate my sword skills?
Why the fuck is this photographer European?
Why the fuck do they keep calling me fabulously Oriental?

Remember NinjaSon the wise words of generations of Ninja before you...when in doubt just kill everybody.

Because if you fail to heed the warning of your internal something-is-not-quite-as-it-seems-detector this is what lies in wait.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Thanks to a certain unnamed Korean French first-named daddy blogger who lives on my block, I have been introduced to a kick ass NinjaDictionary. Like the room of 1000 angry monkey blades, I have found that this site is a great Ninja trainer because it has a random word button. Give a Ninja these random words...

(v) : arrange in logical order; place in proper rank
"marshal facts or arguments"
(n) : a law officer having duties similar to those of a sheriff in carrying out the judgments of a court of law; (in some countries) a military officer of highest rank


(n) : similarity by virtue of corresponding


(adj) : acutely insightful and wise
"much too perspicacious to be taken in by such a spurious argument"


(v) : provide with nourishment
"We sustained ourselves on bread and water"


(adj) : relating to or resembling an ape
"simian features"
(n) : an ape or monkey


(n) : a feeling of righteous anger


(adj) : hidden from general view or use
"a privy place to rest and think"

and out you get a beautiful NinjaPoem/graduate thesis title:

Perspicacius simian nature or nurture can
but nourish
yet not marshall the parallelism
which is privy
only to the indignation that as monkey
I am not ape
but by the
existence of this:
my tail.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad

Why do kids always say this? And what will my kid say?

Kid: My Dad can beat up your dad.
NinjaSon: My Dad's dead.
Kid: Oh sorry...
NinjaSon: But he just killed your Dad.
Kid: What?
NinjaSon: Live with the guilt...let it be your pillow...
Kid: What are you talking about?
NinjaSon: ...a pillow full of pointy things.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Haiku Monday: Park Slope

Sitting in tha Slope
Brooklyn Mystics took my legs