Friday, October 06, 2006

NinjaDad vs. The Villains of October

Every year it's the same. Man I hate October. Here's my month of assignments so far...


Is this a joke? I'm really fighting you? Lady what is on your head? Let me take a wild Ninja're not really Japanese? Are those run-flats? (I thought I was doing a traditional fan battle until she whipped out the bowlingball of death from her Goodyear hat)


Oh yeah...I'm totally on to you. BowlingBall me once shame on you, bowlingball me twice shame on me. I already took out your sister...hey wait a sec. You're too lazy to bother putting on your make-up? What kind of fake Geisha are you? You are not even trying. And where's your fan? What the hell are you going to fight me with, cheeky bravado? I see. Very crafty. (Actually she was a lot tougher than her sister)


Oh sorry I get it. Yeah I saw Pretty in Pink, you're like the poor one right? And you had to make your own Geisha dress with left over scraps but a lot of spunky heart. Well you do have the fan but um... not the make-up. Hey where did you get that fabulous SpaceBalls helmet?! (actually her helmet was the toughest of the three)


Ok so I guess I had to meet their pimp eventually. Hey man nice 'stache! Don't you dare kick me with those flip-flops. Fo-Shizzle.


Whoa you're a chick? I thought you were Teller.


Wait a sec, I thought I was done with all the crappy Geisha assignments. Hey did you get that at Hot Topic? Those dragons look really really Asian.


Doooo do dodo, do do, dodo....can't touch this. Then I killed him. But I don't think he got my joke. He just kept looking confused like that. Don't make me sing Pumps and a Bump...


Holy cow! What the high-holy-heck are you supposed to be? Elvira goes to Tokyo to film a whisky commercial and then comes home with a new sense of identity and personal empowerment after spending 10 days in a hotel warmed only by the company of a fellow purpose-of-life-seeking Hotel patron. And then she dies.


Hey wassup Sam? Damn you are one stuck up guy. What? Did you just call me a Ronin? Do you know how derogatory that term is these days? And why are you holding your sheath? You do know that that connects to your armor right? Yeah that little loop thingy, yes, you attach it there. Here let me show you...


Finally a Ninja! Hey wait a sec. What NinjaSchool did you go to? Why are you holding you're sword like that? Why do you have a Dragon on your chest? Are you Cobra Kai: Ninja Division? And where are your Tabi boots? Do you not have big-toes? (Sigh) Here let me show you...


Hey dude. Are you taking a dump? And you're the second guy tonight I saw holding their sword like that. Prepare to what? Who are you talking to, me? Prepare to Die? You want me to prepare to Die? You're crazy. Hey dude that's like one kick-ass outfit! Is that like a dragon on the back? Cool can you turn around and show me? Hi-Ya...


Arrrrgggg! You I'm just going to send home. This is too obvious. Yes, go home. Just turn around and tell everyone I killed you because you're a little too sad. Yeah yeah I know you'll kick my ass yeah yeah yeah, just seriously, seriously just go home to your boat or your band what is it Blink 182? Oh sorry Angels and Airwaves yeah sorry, won't happen again. Ok bye. Don't hit anyone with that sheath you're wielding. Yes, yes you do look "Chinese", yeah I get it. Ok Bye-Bye.


STOP! Yes I heard you I will....STOP! Now what? Dang nice vest, Old Navy? Yes I heard you already, can you say anything other than STOP?! What are you supposed to be like a Red Bull or something? Isn't that a Red Bull Can-Headband on your head? Thems some fancy boots. Hey wait a sec isn't that a Daddy Daipie Vest you're wearing? I'm gonna have to borrow that...


Finally the leader of these idiots. Hey wait a sec, you used to be on Saved By the Bell! Man times are that tough huh. SO.... explain to me again the whole you wearing that hat and not being know Asian or anything. I mean am I supposed to be offended or are you like commenting on cross-minority transownership of systemic injustice? Huh, you say you are a coolie? What's a coolie? Can't hear you...come a little closer...

Sigh. And that was just week one. Rotten month let me tell you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats hilarious, but you forgot the "sexy" geisha.

9:22 AM  

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