Thursday, September 21, 2006

I am Ninjadad

Life is hard when you're a single ninjadad.
Always on the road going from city to city, killing this guy or that guy. Raising a baby ninja son. When we're not on the road, we call home a large metropolitan city (don't ever ask) and I guess we do OK. But lately I've wondered how many more days will I share with the love of my life?

Take the other day for example. I had scaled a fourteen story west-end complex and used falling-salamander-on-hotspring-stone technique to make a 12 inch diameter hole in the Lexan window and made my way into ticket #24435's home. I was suspended upside down using toes beta and Bert to grip the beautiful crown moulding. I was appreciating how the corners were so tightly fit when ticket #24435 entered the building fourteen stories below me. I shit you not I almost fell down right there. Normally I would have heard him approaching seventeen steps before the building's entry. And that day I missed his approach entirely. I was so ashamed that I assassinated him with thunderous-eyelashes technique just to overcompensate for my slip-up. Afterwards sitting on his couch watching cable, I was still in shock at how incompetent I had become. That's when something life-changing happened. Superman came on. The original movie with Christopher Reeves, you remember right? And so I was watching and saying to myself "...can do that. Yup. And that. And that. Yeah I can do that but in a faster way. And that...." when all of a sudden I saw the fortress of solitude. I was thinking about how it would take me at least 4 days to construct that when all of a sudden he appeared.


And he spoke to his son. Even though he was dead. And I thought damn, this is what I need to do. Obviously I will soon die at the rate I am losing all of my skill and ability. Maybe it is the love for my son that is making me slower, less competent. I will create a fortress of solitude for my son to refer to in the likely chance that I die too soon. In it, it shall contain the wisdom I have collected over my years as Ninja and human being. And I will call it...

And with that I tightened the bjorn and kissed my sleeping son's hooded head with my deadly hooded lips of deadly death. And we leapt through the Lexan hole and made our way home to our ninja-abode. Oh and I killed three guys on the subway because I think they thought I looked fat with my bjorn on.

My beautiful son. You are my heart of all hearts. I am so sorry that I had to pass so soon. But now that you can see the tattoo on your spine you will know where to find me forever. I am forever your...



Blogger lf said...

okok... i had to come and find ninjadad! you must be one skilled ninja to fight with your baby in a bjorn!

8:45 AM  

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