NinjaDad

Death of Batman

2009-01-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

Dear NinjaSon,OK. One day, when I am dead, you will be reading this and I will do a little dance from beyond the grave when you read once and for all in the undeniable truth of this repository of all NinjaDad knowledge the following....THERE IS NO REAL BATMANThis sentence should ring familiar a distant childhood memory of the years and years in which I told you day after day after day that THERE

You Deserve Better

2009-01-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

Dear NinjaSon,Sorry little man. I am really sorry. I blame you really.As you know this place is a repository for all of my NinjaDad knowledge to be saved and deposited for your future reference when I am dead which I thought was going to be really soon since in my old age of 30something human years I am sure something is going to kill me and leave you orphaned. Such things could be like maybe a

You Can Do It

2008-07-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Things NinjaSon Can Do...kill a manpush button on coffee makerdeproof any childproof device including human guardsknow what time Wordworld is on using only the length of a pidgeons shadowget out of carseatget into carseat of another car...while on the freewayname 5 colors: red, blue, yellow, orange, magenta and infrared which he calls "Instafred"block thingscatch birdsdig a holeslideclimb

whEr iss niNjaDad!

2008-04-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

srry pplez i gon so longg. iv bn tring 4 fiv month 2 lrn to blog wth only the pwer of my mind.today isucceeded.finally.1 typing thiswithon;ymy brain.dear ninjason,bloging wit only pwer of ur brain issuperhard.lv,ninjadad

What the Ninja?

2007-10-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Stop...the...Madness.Prejudice doesn't just hurt Ninja-Americans. Prejudice hurts all Americans. And Ninjas hurt some Americans too and once some French people when I was visiting Lyon last year but that is neither here nor there. Don't dress like a Ninja and ask for candy. Ninjas don't ask for candy.

Haiku Saturday: Great Ninja Joke

2007-09-08T21:56:00.000-07:00

Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha ha Ha ha ha Hastop you're killing me

Crap I didn't Quite Know 10,000 Times Better Than a Normal Man #1 out of probably 5 or 6 tops

2007-08-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

Dear NinjaSon,There are things in this world that you know about through words or tales or history or dreams or imagination or fortune cookie fortunes and yet until you hold it in your mouth, you know nothing.I thought I knew how to kill a Siberian Muskateet with a blade of grass and three peanut skins. I thought wrong.I thought I knew how to find Carmen San Diego. She's not real.I thought I knew

13 days

2007-08-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

13 days since NinjaSon stabbed anybodyIt always starts with some waiter or waitress uttering the ridiculous sentence: "Look how cute the little NinjaBaby cuts his food!"StabOuchNinjaBaby laughterTIMEOUT!!!!Turn the kid around in his highchair and start timing his timeout. He usually throws imaginary shuriken at all the restaurant patrons.They smile thinking he's waving.SighSo here are a list of

Day By Numbers

2007-07-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

Wow. Sometimes being a single NinjaDad is hard. I mean where did all the time go? Here’s a typical day.1. Wake up, kill somebody.2. Brush Teeth.3. Find NinjaSon.4. Keep Looking5. Keep Looking6. Go get breakfast (the kid is loving hotdogs these days)7. Kill somebody8. Pay for hotdogs.9. Go to park.10. Remind NinjaSon, NO STABBING!11. Give first of 39 timeouts for stabbing.12. Answer other parents

Who Me?

2007-05-25T22:17:00.001-07:00

So I'm at the local Mommy's group and the topic of discussion is protecting our kids from violence in the media and all of a sudden everyone's looking at me. I'm like seriously what the hell? Hey ladies for your information I have never, not once in my life never ever, killed anyone on TV. I was so upset one of my fake boobs almost fell out. The stuff I put up with trying to learn how to raise my

Ninja Daycare

2007-04-10T23:40:00.000-07:00

The whole Ninja Nanny thing definitely is not working out due to the fact that NinjaSon has not quite mastered the please don't stab the Nanny thing. Have you ever tried to enroll a Ninja Baby into daycare? Why oh why does every damn daycare in Manhattan 1) Hate Ninjas 2) Hate Ninja-Looking Babies. I mean actually it borders on racism...except for the fact that they really can't tell what race I

On Grief

2007-03-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

Baby D rolls into heaven. Bumps into Buddha, Ghandi and Jimi Hendrix. Baby D asks who they are. They recount their tales of life on earth. Baby D is amazed. The guys ask Baby D about his life on earth. Baby D tells them that he had a life in which each and every day, he knew only love. Enough love for a lifetime. The boys smile, and are amazed.My son,They say grief is the price that we pay for

Ninja Quarterly

2007-02-17T21:42:00.000-08:00

29 tantosa good mobile does not makeunless you're my son

I used to be cool

2007-01-15T21:35:00.000-08:00

When I was a young Ninja, I tore up this city like a chainsaw oil fire. It helps when you can get into any venue at any time on any whim. Even if I did not have the ability to seemingly pass through walls and make the impossible common, or if I didn't have mind control abilities, or if you took away my intimidating fear induced mastery of the common man, or even if you stripped me of all Ninja

Lesson #245: How to Heal a Broken Heart

2007-01-07T22:21:00.000-08:00

It's not the girl you miss,you miss the days she's wrapped in,you can find the girl today,but as a good man once said,the days run away like wild horses over the hills.

Deadly Silent Sounds of the Season

2007-01-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

Ahh the holiday season has come and gone, Ninjmas, Hour of Perpetual Midnight, New Years etc etc. With all of the evil and danger and deathly faces of deadly death that I face throughout the year, why am I so afraid of the Holiday Season? Here are some highlights....Snowflakes: Nature's Little ShurikenOK. Nothing reminds me of youth like killing somebody with snowflakes. OK here's my gift to the

How to Die #46

2006-12-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

Dear NinjaSon,In a world that so many view as so profane. In a life surrounded by death and rebirth; anguish and utter joy. There is something we must keep in mind. It is the beauty of this moment. As those who pass clutch so tightly to that which they claim is theirs, I hold my life in an open palm. We all get greedy and ask for more. One year more, one month more, one week more, one day more,

Ninjerview #214

2006-12-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

NinjaDad: HelloNinjaNanny Candidate #214: Hi! KewL Hat! RU a terroRisT?NinjaDad: *Sigh* I am NinjaDad. Why are you talking like that?NinjaNanny Candidate #214: Lik wHat?NinjaDad: You talk like my kid types.NinjaNanny Candidate #214: I thOugHt Ur KidZ waz a Baby?NinjaDad: Yes but NinjaBaby so he learns things quickly...oh nevermind. Ok I will now attack you as if I am a Brooklyn Mystic and

Happy DOTN I guess...

2006-12-05T16:43:00.000-08:00

According to the Non-Ninja World today is the day of the Ninja. Ok if you say so. Yay! Happy Day of the Made-up-Non-Ninja Holiday to celebrate those we don't have any freaking idea about other than some kooky sterotypes born from GI Joe, The Master, American Ninja and a bunch of other crap. Never mind the fact that there is a real day, December 32 also know as the hour of perpetual midnight in

Bright Lights Big Warrior

2006-11-21T22:08:00.000-08:00

Dear NinjaSon,Don't take any wooden nickels. Do you know whattheNinja this means? Nor do I. But as Ninja sometimes you have to use common sense. Be careful about lending your trust too easily. For example when answering the following ad:Models needed for Warrior campaign. Must embody the following character traits: Noble, Toughness, Wisdom. Must be comfortable holding a sword. Title of

NinjaWords.com

2006-11-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a certain unnamed Korean French first-named daddy blogger who lives on my block, I have been introduced to a kick ass NinjaDictionary. Like the room of 1000 angry monkey blades, I have found that this site is a great Ninja trainer because it has a random word button. Give a Ninja these random words...marshal (v) : arrange in logical order; place in proper rank "marshal facts or

My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad

2006-11-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

Why do kids always say this? And what will my kid say?Kid: My Dad can beat up your dad.NinjaSon: My Dad's dead.Kid: Oh sorry...NinjaSon: But he just killed your Dad.Kid: What?NinjaSon: Live with the guilt...let it be your pillow...Kid: What are you talking about?NinjaSon: ...a pillow full of pointy things.

Haiku Monday: Park Slope

2006-11-06T00:04:00.000-08:00

Sitting in tha SlopeBrooklyn Mystics took my legsBugaboo-hoo-hoo

Damn Legs Grow Slow

2006-10-30T23:01:00.000-08:00

I think it's time to find a NinjaNanny. I say this after spending the last six days on the verge of death waiting for my legs to grow back after being bum rushed by a group of mystics from Brooklyn. Bastards. So spending a week on the street with my NinjaSon not knowing if I was going to live or die makes a ninja reflect on stupid things he's done in his life.Top Ten Stupid NinjaDad Things10.

Timing is Everything

2006-10-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Dear NinjaSon,I took you to Color Me Mine the other day to get one of those imprint frames made but thanks to your damn speedy NInjaDevelopment, we couldn't get you to make a footprint. (Sigh) Kids grow so fast...one moment they're leaving footprints the next they leave no signs of their existence. I'm lucky you haven't turned invisible yet. I had to paint little footprints instead, you thought

Shuriken on My Keyboard

2006-10-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hey didn't know there was a shuriken key. Hmmm very interesting. I will have to use it as a signature from now on. Here I go.....*Hmmm...looks a little small...like a NinjaBaby Shuriken. Maybe I can jazz it up....* <------------ Deadly death is flying at you to take your miserable life of misery away from your sad frail possession and will give it another worthy soul through reincarnation because

NinjaFriends Activate: Punchrobert.com

2006-10-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

This man is gifted

Nun + Ninja = Nunja

2006-10-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

Nunja....oooh very very rare type of Ninja.

Sidekick vs. Roundhouse

2006-10-10T17:23:00.000-07:00

Ahhh the perpetual debate. Sidekick or Roundhouse. It's like EE Cummings or William Carlos Williams. Sake or Soju. Knight Rider vs. Manimal. You see the sidekick is so simple. Kick to the side, no arc of hip, just up and out. Let's say for instance you need to kick down the wall to Jack In the Box because they forgot your hot sauce for your two-for-99cents tacos and you don't want to wait in the

Walking into the Bank, Liquor Store, Supermarket, DMV, Starbucks, Jollybee, Laudromat, or Chuck E Cheese

2006-10-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

NinjaDad: (Looking Around At Everybody) .....um touchdown?

Haiku for NinjaMom: We miss you

2006-10-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

first year without Mom,sorry these hot dogs suck son,her love: our ketchup

NinjaDad vs. The Villains of October

2006-10-06T00:40:00.000-07:00

Every year it's the same. Man I hate October. Here's my month of assignments so far...#45827Is this a joke? I'm really fighting you? Lady what is on your head? Let me take a wild Ninja Guess...you're not really Japanese? Are those run-flats? (I thought I was doing a traditional fan battle until she whipped out the bowlingball of death from her Goodyear hat)#45828Oh yeah...I'm totally on to you.

OBEY NinjaDad

2006-10-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Oooh be cool and go deface many blogs with the new urban NinjaDad Blogsticker.------start code------<(DELETE-THIS)a href="http://www.ninja-dad.blogspot.com"> <(DELETE-THIS)img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2422/3864/400/nc.jpg" />------End code--------Don't forget to delete the (DELETE-THIS) before posting

Ninja Daipie Bag

2006-10-02T23:21:00.000-07:00

Heres what I carry in my daipie bag74 shuriken - various types1 PSP with tons of YouTube Downloads8 Pampers size 1 - No substitutes1 official NinjaDad Changing Pad1 Grappling Hook1 Pack Daipie wipes1 bag Cheerios1 list of names of people soon to be very very very dead1 mint (how'd that get in there)1 floppy hat so that NinjaBaby doesnt get a NinjaTan (its like the opposite of ski-goggle tan)1

At the Pediatrician

2006-09-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

(our usual pediatrician was sick so we waited two hours to see this guy)Doctor: Well your baby is looking healthy, he's 50th percentile for height and weight...NinjaDad: He's 100th percentile for Ninjosity.Doctor: Umm...yes I see. And you said he started rolling over at what age?NinjaDad: 3 days old.Doctor: Oh you mean 3 months old?NinjaDad: Are there more than 72 hours in 3 months?Doctor: Well

...ooops let's see you try being a new Dad.

2006-09-26T17:09:00.000-07:00

Dear NinjaSon,Ok so by the time you are reading this I am dead and so you can not get mad at me for the sins of my past. And you especially should not get mad at me about the story behind that funny scar you have on your stommy. This is actually a good lesson to learn about flexibility and following the curves in the road of life.So as you know we are a family of Ninja. We come from a long line

RiceDaddies are not Nice Daddies

2006-09-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

I was recently interviewed on Ricedaddies and to my dismay they made me look like an idiot. I would expect more cultural sensitivity from a group of Asian-American fathers but they had to go low-brow with typical Ninja stereotypes. It is masked (no pun intended), but their anti-Ninja sentiment still comes through when they edit out my musings on Asian-against-Asian prejudice and comments on real

NinjaDad Knock-Knock (you thought I was kidding?)

2006-09-24T16:38:00.000-07:00

NinjaDad: Knock KnockAnybody: Who's th....ARRGRGGRGGHHHHHH! [thud]NinjaDad: Ninja.

...oh yeah, about that spinal tattoo.

2006-09-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

Ahhh yes. One of the first questions you will probably have my son when you get to this site is about that tattoo. Upon your eighteenth birthday the mole on your back will have grown large enough for you to realize it is actually a tattoo which, with ever passing year, has grown with you. Once you had reached the age of 18 the micro-tattoo had grown large enough to become visible to the naked

I am Ninjadad

2006-09-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

Life is hard when you're a single ninjadad.Always on the road going from city to city, killing this guy or that guy. Raising a baby ninja son. When we're not on the road, we call home a large metropolitan city (don't ever ask) and I guess we do OK. But lately I've wondered how many more days will I share with the love of my life?Take the other day for example. I had scaled a fourteen story